Apr 16

A Presidential Team

Last week, The Twitter started a conversation about the best possible presidential team.  Somehow, I got voted President based on my policy to “export all dumbasses” as my first order of business. It was determined that MattyO is exempt from this policy because he has an “anchor wife” in Heather.  Below are my nominations for the best cabinet team of all time.  Please let me know in the comments if you accept your nomination.  If you weren’t included, please feel free to apply for any cabinet position (real or made up) that you think you are qualified for.


Nomination: Jon
Reasoning: Jon gets the spot of VP as the co-conspirator of this whole thing. He wanted Secretary of Epicness Awesomeness, but VP is just as good, right? All of the fame, none of the work.

First Lady

Nomination: Jennie
Reasoning: Obviously.

First Dog

Nomination: Bailey
Reasoning: Obviously. Although I am sure that he would be willing to share with Porter, Maglee, Sophie, and Frank

Spiritual Advisor

Nomination: Matt Smith
Reasoning: Pastor extraordinaire, Matt Smith wins this nomination in a landslide. It is kick ass sermons like this (http://go-smitty-go.blogspot.com/2011/11/weekend-recap.html) that helped move him to the top of the list.

Secretary of StateFile:Department of state.svg

Nomination: Heather
The position of Secretary of State must be held by someone who is both intelligent and good and negotiating with foreign countries who are often at odds with each other.  Well, Heather is a rocket scientist, so that must make her pretty dang smart. AND she is married to MattyO, so she must be a pro at diffusing conflicts and dealing with stubborn meatheads.

Secretary of the TreasuryFile:US-DeptOfTheTreasury-Seal.svg

Nomination: Colleen
Reasoning: As a small business owner, she has to be good with money, so what better place for her than here? However, based on her recent experience with the housing market, it was actually a toss up between this and the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

Secretary of DefenseFile:United States Department of Defense Seal.svg

Nomination: Jeff
Reasoning: If you need an explanation for this, I’ll just let Jeff show you his gun collection.  This would be assuming that Texas decides to remain part of The Union.

Attorney GeneralFile:US-DeptOfJustice-Seal.svg

Nomination: Rachel aka Manic Defense
Reasoning: This position is usually held by a lawyer and what better lawyer than Rachel? I think that there should be a presidential meeting with the Attorney General in August at the Michigan Titanium.  What do you think, Rachel? You know you want to sign up.

Secretary of the InteriorFile:US-DeptOfTheInterior-Seal.svg

Nomination: Mandy
Reasoning: While the Secretary of the Interior generally comes from a western state, Mandy will break that trend. After all, she is our favorite forester and lumberjack, right? With her partner in crime, Porter, she is sure to rock the position.

Secretary of AgricultureFile:US-DeptOfAgriculture-Seal2.svg

Nomination: MattyO
Reasoning: I think we all know that MattyO is farmer at heart. If anything, we know that we will be well stocked with eggs and sweet potatoes.

Secretary of Commerce File:US-DeptOfCommerce-Seal.svg

Nomination: Annie
Reasoning: From what Jeff says, she is great at spending $$$. Annie obviously gets the position of Secretary of Commerce based on her extensive experience working in the retail industry.

Secretary of Labor


Nomination: KC
Reasoning: I don’t know many harder workers than KC.  Biking over 10,00 miles in a year? Yeah, that is hard work.

Secretary of Health and Human Services


Nomination: Jason
Reasoning: I am a bit hesitant to nominate Jason for this position out of fear of a Vegetarian Mandate, but I am confident that he will increase healthy eating and eradicate obesity within the first 4 year term.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development


Nomination: Beth
Reasoning: Jon helped me out this one, but apparently this is Beth’s background, so I am going to trust my VP’s judgment here.

Update (via Jon): Beth has also agreed to turn all roadways into bike lanes.

Secretary of Transportation


Nomination: BDD
Reasoning: Big Daddy DIESEL. It is kind of obvious, isn’t it? Don’t let the diesel name fool you, though. I bet this guy has us converted over to biking everywhere instead of driving.

Secretary of Energy


Nomination: EMZ
Reasoning: Do you know anyone with more energy than EMZ? I swear this girl is powered by pickle juice. Need more proof? How about this: January = 307 miles, February = 338 miles, March = 341 miles.

Secretary of Education


Nomination: Ellen
Reasoning: Who better than a Grammar Queen for this position? At the very least, she will make sure we avoid embarrassments like this: http://www.lifeinreviews.com/2012/03/awe-and-blah-draw-something-and.html. I would pick my wonderful editor of a wife, but since she is already First Lady, I figured that she will be busy enough with that. I am sure that she will be more than happy to assist with comma placement when needed, though.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs


Nomination: Shannon
Reasoning: Thanks to BDD for this nomination. Shannon from Iron Texas Mommy is racing for Team RWB at Rev3 which makes her a perfect fit.

Secretary of Homeland Security

File:US Department of Homeland Security Seal.svg

Nomination: Jeff (dual position with defense)
Reasoning: Again, do you really need a reason? Ok, you need a reason. How about this: http://danglethecarrot.blogspot.com/2012/02/it-is-time-to-go-underground.html?

Seriously though, who wouldn’t want this awesome team leading our country? Who wants to join the campaign?

Permanent link to this article: http://www.ironmanbythirty.com/2012/04/16/a-presidential-team


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  1. Jennie

    Bailey and I accept our nominations, obviously… err, make that “courteously.” 😉
    Jennie recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Easter 2012 Edition

  2. Matthew Smith

    Nomination accepted! What a great group of people we get to serve with! I think my job is the easiest! Let me know if I need to pray for you. 🙂

    Side note, it must be bittersweet today as Boston happens, but this might not be the best day for it anyway with it being so hot. It’ll happen!
    Matthew Smith recently posted..Are you ready?

  3. Matt Oravec

    Hilarious man… Very well put together and well thought out. I accept my position, I think it will be an honor to turn America into the land of the sweet potatoes 🙂
    Matt Oravec recently posted..Gearin Up

  4. BDD

    I accept, now sell you car and buy more bikes, we should have at least 4 bikes each, more is preferred, we needs bikes for all occasions, though I am going to mandate a biking license, some of these drivers cant drive, I cant imagine what they would do on a bike.

    1. Ironman By Thirty (Kevin)

      If you are going to requiring a biking license, I think we are going to end up with a lot of walkers 😉 haha

      1. BDD

        Walking is a form of transportation, I have it all figured out.

  5. Jason @ Cook Train Eat Race

    Better than the League of Triathletes b/c we could actually do something here.

    I accept my nomination and summon a meeting with Annie, Mandy and Colleen to start the tofu subsidy so that we can not only het healthier but also make money on it.

    Only mandate is Meatless Monday. If you are found eating meat on this day we export you to Kansas to man the wheat fields.
    Jason @ Cook Train Eat Race recently posted..A Taste Of Puerto Rico

    1. BDD

      I am going to have to break the law, for my post race reward pizza I get after every race is an all meat pizza and usually eat the leftovers on Monday.

      1. Jason @ Cook Train Eat Race

        That’s ok….you are in the cabinet. We can make and break our own rules.
        Jason @ Cook Train Eat Race recently posted..Can American Change?

        1. lindsay

          hahaahahha. you are all exempted from taxes too! i need a spot, just so i can avoid paying taxes.
          lindsay recently posted..there’s a reason they call him coach

  6. Jeff

    My dual nominations are accepted! Does this mean I get double salary b/c I’ve heard working for the Fed Gov’t is rather lucrative?

    This is hysterical Kevin – Well Done!

    Oh, and if I am involved surely Texas will consider staying on as a state, but Texas will probably want us to eliminate about half of the above mentioned departments and give the power back to the states!

    Jason already has me worried with his “meatless mondays” stuff. If he gets out of control I’ll order a few of my Homeland Security goons to pay him a visit (-:

    Let me know when this is greenlighted so Heather and I can go pay Iran a visit.
    Jeff recently posted..Random Observations and Stuff …

    1. Ironman By Thirty (Kevin)

      Double salary? And waste even more taxpayer money? Nice try. Consider the fact that you play with guns all day in both jobs enough of a bonus.

      Nice to see you and Jason are already arguing over big/small government.

      1. Jeff

        Guns? We got Aircraft Carriers and Stealth Bombers, look out bitches I am going for a joyride!
        Jeff recently posted..Random Observations and Stuff …

        1. Jason @ Cook Train Eat Race

          It is one day and we can go to that Italian joint by the home depot and eat tons of pasta…..simple.
          Jason @ Cook Train Eat Race recently posted..Can American Change?

  7. Jon

    I accept. Now, I just have to play golf all day, right?
    Jon recently posted..Foto Friday: Just a Ton of Bike Porn

    1. Ironman By Thirty (Kevin)

      And hold Beer Summits. Possibly Scotch Summits if necessary.

      1. Jon

        I’m already wasted!
        Jon recently posted..Foto Friday: Just a Ton of Bike Porn

  8. Colleen

    I’m seriously cracking up here! This is so perfect!!! 🙂 I will totally accept my position!!!

  9. Shannon

    Thanks for the nomination! I promise to serve our Veteran’s to the best of my ability! And if Jeff needs any assistance with the Department of Homeland Security, Texas will be here to take care of it!

    I accept! Thanks to you and my nominator! 🙂

  10. Beth

    I accept! My first priority will be moving the urban DC and NYC metro areas closer together. That’s within my powers, yes?
    Beth recently posted..TT Climbing

    1. Ironman By Thirty (Kevin)

      Yes, that is definitely within your powers. However, I encourage you to work with the Secretary of Transportation and get the roadways converted to bike lanes first. I fear that moving NYC and DC closer without first addressing that issue could result in a clusterf@ck of epic proportions.

  11. rachel

    I am honored for the nomination…if only I were actually a lawyer. Actually a psychologist. And a neglectful blogger. However, if there is a summit at MiTi, I would be a fool to turn down the position, even if I am underqualified!!!
    rachel recently posted..angry foot

    1. Ironman By Thirty (Kevin)

      Seriously??? Both Jon and I thought you were a lawyer. 🙂 I guess the PhD and “defense” in your blog title had us confused. Regardless, you are still nominated 🙂 You can help us all out when we get plagued with the taper crazies.

      1. rachel

        Taper crazies I can help with! An honor to be nominated!!!
        rachel recently posted..2 Months in Review: February and March by the Numbers

  12. lindsay

    well you had my vote until i find out you don’t even know what kinds of backgrounds your cabinet has (cough, rachel, cough).

    now if only you could re-select congress and the house, you might actually get something accomplished!
    lindsay recently posted..there’s a reason they call him coach

  13. Mandy

    LOVE IT!! I am in. Porter is in training right now
    Mandy recently posted..Running with Coyotes

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