Last week, The Twitter started a conversation about the best possible presidential team. Somehow, I got voted President based on my policy to “export all dumbasses” as my first order of business. It was determined that MattyO is exempt from this policy because he has an “anchor wife” in Heather. Below are my nominations for the best cabinet team of all time. Please let me know in the comments if you accept your nomination. If you weren’t included, please feel free to apply for any cabinet position (real or made up) that you think you are qualified for.
Reasoning: Jon gets the spot of VP as the co-conspirator of this whole thing. He wanted Secretary of
Epicness Awesomeness, but VP is just as good, right? All of the fame, none of the work.
Reasoning: Obviously. Although I am sure that he would be willing to share with Porter, Maglee, Sophie, and Frank
Nomination: Matt Smith
Reasoning: Pastor extraordinaire, Matt Smith wins this nomination in a landslide. It is kick ass sermons like this (http://go-smitty-go.blogspot.com/2011/11/weekend-recap.html) that helped move him to the top of the list.
Secretary of State
Reasoning: The position of Secretary of State must be held by someone who is both intelligent and good and negotiating with foreign countries who are often at odds with each other. Well, Heather is a rocket scientist, so that must make her pretty dang smart. AND she is married to MattyO, so she must be a pro at diffusing conflicts and dealing with stubborn meatheads.
Secretary of the Treasury
Reasoning: As a small business owner, she has to be good with money, so what better place for her than here? However, based on her recent experience with the housing market, it was actually a toss up between this and the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.
Secretary of Defense
Reasoning: If you need an explanation for this, I’ll just let Jeff show you his gun collection. This would be assuming that Texas decides to remain part of The Union.
Nomination: Rachel aka Manic Defense
Reasoning: This position is usually held by a lawyer and what better lawyer than Rachel? I think that there should be a presidential meeting with the Attorney General in August at the Michigan Titanium. What do you think, Rachel? You know you want to sign up.
Secretary of the Interior
Reasoning: While the Secretary of the Interior generally comes from a western state, Mandy will break that trend. After all, she is our favorite forester and lumberjack, right? With her partner in crime, Porter, she is sure to rock the position.
Secretary of Agriculture
Reasoning: I think we all know that MattyO is farmer at heart. If anything, we know that we will be well stocked with eggs and sweet potatoes.
Secretary of Commerce
From what Jeff says, she is great at spending $$$. Annie obviously gets the position of Secretary of Commerce based on her extensive experience working in the retail industry.
Secretary of Labor
Reasoning: I don’t know many harder workers than KC. Biking over 10,00 miles in a year? Yeah, that is hard work.
Secretary of Health and Human Services
Reasoning: I am a bit hesitant to nominate Jason for this position out of fear of a Vegetarian Mandate, but I am confident that he will increase healthy eating and eradicate obesity within the first 4 year term.
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
Reasoning: Jon helped me out this one, but apparently this is Beth’s background, so I am going to trust my VP’s judgment here.
Update (via Jon): Beth has also agreed to turn all roadways into bike lanes.
Secretary of Transportation
Reasoning: Big Daddy DIESEL. It is kind of obvious, isn’t it? Don’t let the diesel name fool you, though. I bet this guy has us converted over to biking everywhere instead of driving.
Secretary of Energy
Reasoning: Do you know anyone with more energy than EMZ? I swear this girl is powered by pickle juice. Need more proof? How about this: January = 307 miles, February = 338 miles, March = 341 miles.
Secretary of Education
Reasoning: Who better than a Grammar Queen for this position? At the very least, she will make sure we avoid embarrassments like this: http://www.lifeinreviews.com/2012/03/awe-and-blah-draw-something-and.html. I would pick my wonderful editor of a wife, but since she is already First Lady, I figured that she will be busy enough with that. I am sure that she will be more than happy to assist with comma placement when needed, though.
Secretary of Veterans Affairs
Secretary of Homeland Security
Nomination: Jeff (dual position with defense)
Reasoning: Again, do you really need a reason? Ok, you need a reason. How about this: http://danglethecarrot.blogspot.com/2012/02/it-is-time-to-go-underground.html?
Seriously though, who wouldn’t want this awesome team leading our country? Who wants to join the campaign?